Cleansed by the Blood

I finally paged my midwife around 5:30 pm yesterday.

Around 6 pm the bleeding picked up and the cramping got pretty intense. I started passing very large blood clots and then large pieces of placenta (I liked to call liver). This continued on till about 2 am this morning. I kept on trying to see if the baby came out.

After I dropped the kids of at Homeschool Coop this morning, I came back home and went to the bathroom. In my opinion, the fetus came out. It was a little bigger than the last one and not as "discriminately" fetus looking. I did take a picture.

The cramping immediately subsided and the bleeding slowed way down. I feel much better now. I'm wearing my tight blue jeans and looking forward to exercising aggressively again.

What could God be doing in all this?

Well, I am definitely humbled and can understand how someone feels who has had multiple miscarriages.

And my husband has agreed to go Raw for 30 days after the holidays (around Jan. 15th) so that we can try to get his contribution healthier. No coffee, no alcohol, no cell phone in pants pocket.

I am placing an order with Natural Zing tomorrow for some Maca and Hemp seeds. Maca is supposed to be very beneficial for Women and Men in fertility and libido. I recommend you read more about this and order some. I just stumbled upon it today! Could this be what I'm missing in my 100% raw diet? Hemp seeds are supposed to be the best source of protein and EFA's (omega 3, 6, 9).

So this could all have a purpose (we may never know) in getting the both of us healthier. It could save our lives!

I think I'm miscarrying

I started spotting a little on Saturday night. I've been in bed every since. The spotting has increased a little, but not as heavy as last time.

My dilemma is: is it really over? and should I get a D&C? When?

I haven't called my midwives yet...I just can't get myself to say it out loud!

I look in the mirror and see my once protruding tummy is now completely flat. It makes me angry to see how skinny I look again.

My husband said, "May be God's trying to tell you that two kids are enough."

I can't help but think that it wasn't worth telling people (as few as it maybe) early, so that they could pray.

Next time (if there is a next time), I'll wait till 12 weeks and I see a heart beat. I'm not even going to buy a pregnancy test at CVS! And I'm not having a Midwife appointment till 12 weeks! I'm going to pretend I'm not pregnant. So don't even ask me, "How's it going? Are you pregnant again?" I'm going to LIE and say, "NO, not that I know of!"

Nine Weeks and Three Blood Tests Later

Today I should be nine weeks.

The midwife office followed up with me today.

My last blood test was a week ago Monday. They told me the results on Wednesday that HCG and Progesterone was down. The nurse sounded very surprised that I wasn't spotting yet.

Today the nurse told me what my options are: 1. Wait and see if my body knows it's supposed to miscarry, 2. Surgical D&C, or 3. A pill to bring on contractions and help my body to miscarry.

I was surprised and asked, "So you are saying that right now you feel comfortable with doing a D&C?" She said yes, that they definitely don't see that this could be a viable pregnancy.

She wants me to at least come in for a blood test again. I told her I would rather just wait till my next appointment in three weeks on 12/23 when I'm 12 weeks and maybe they can do a sonogram and blood test then.

That's when she told me that my appointment had already been canceled! (but she can put me back down). That shows how much they think this is over!

They could be right, but I'm waiting on God. If I miscarry, I miscarry. Why should I worry about it now when I've had no spotting/bleeding? The nurse said it is possible to have miscarried and have not spotted. But it's not likely that I would never spot.

So I'm waiting for that to happen before I do anymore tests before my next appointment. The nurse said she will have the Midwife, Paula, call me.

This will be a great story if the baby is still okay!